Wednesday, May 9, 2007

A Letter to My Mom

Dear Mom,

I have been thinking about this letter for a long time. I have been trying for years to figure a way to let you and everyone around you known how much I appreciate having you as my mom.

In the first few years of my life, you were the one I depended on for everything. I had others, dad, grandma, my aunts but you were the one I went to first. I knew even at a young age you would provide me with the truth, protect me when needed and love me no matter what I did. You even set a place at the dinner table so my friends ( the imaginary type) could sit with me while I ate. When I decided to be a brat and throw tantrums, you ignored me, knowing as wise mothers do, that if you gave into them, they would never stop. Thank goodness for you, that method worked. I eventually stopped, you were right ( as always). I have always envied your patience, I have none. As things around you become hectic and crazy, you stay calm and collected, never letting your tough image crack. I used to think there was nothing that would make you cry. You weren't like the other moms, you could take on anything. I remember the first time I saw you cry ( well the first time you let me witness it). I couldn't believe it!! I wanted to make it stop, you are my mom and you can not be sad!! I realize now, you are human and sometimes you just have to cry but when I was little I would cry if I thought you were sad. I never want you to be sad. You only deserve happiness in your life.

When I got a little older, you guided me through the tough stages of growing up ( pre-teen/teen years). The strange hair cuts I had, the clothes I insisted on wearing, trying to fit in, you let me be who I wanted to be as long as I was true to myself. I felt awkward in middle school, I was taller than everyone, you showed me to embrace my height. I was chubby too ( I know you disagree but look at the pictures) and you had me believing it was due to "baby fat" until I was a junior in high school. I used to get annoyed when you would say that but I realize now it was to prevent me from obsessing about it and to teach me to love myself for me. I also know if it was a real issue, you would have addressed it. I still depended on you for everything, I wouldn't admit it then, but it was because of you that I didn't do drugs, or get in trouble. I didn't want to disappoint you. That is worse than any punishment. You kept the forum for "taboo" topics wide open. I would come into your room almost every night and talk to you about everything that is going on in my life. Who likes who, who is having sex, who is doing drugs, who is mad at who (girls that age were always mad at someone) or what the new "in" thing was and you would just listen. You would talk with me as long as I wanted, even though you had to get up for work at 4am. I know you gave me little lessons here and there using Oprah or Montel after school as the tools and I listened. I really want you to know that I listened and heard every tid bit of advice and information you gave me. Your voice came creeping into my head a lot of times when I was faced with a decision to make. I couldn't have gotten through those years as successfully as I did without you.

After graduating from high school, I had college to face. You had made college seem important but left all the decisions up to me. I wanted to stay local and go to a community college ( that's what everyone was doing) and you wanted me to go away to a 4 year school. I choose to stay local. I was convinced you wanted me to go away, so I wouldn't date the person I was dating. How silly was I at that age? It's not in you to be selfish like that. I did want you to know, you were right, I should have gone to a 4 year school, well I think I would had a little more fun. You were also right about the boyfriend at the time. Actually come to think of it, you have always been right about my relationships. Now that I was a grown up ( 18 and all), you left the life decisions up to me. You even let me move out without question when I was only 20. I thought I could do it all at 20. Work, go to school, party with my friends. The truth, I could do it, but not without you. I missed our nightly talks, your smiling face when I got home and watching Jeopardy with you. Then the tables turned and you needed me at this time of our lives. This is when I learned what being a strong women really meant. You are my inspiration for life.
I am looking forward to the next stage of my life, hopefully marriage and children, and I know I am prepared because of all that you have taught me. I am truly grateful that you are my mom, I couldn't have picked a better one if I had to. For all your hard work and dedication to your family I want you to know you are appreciated. I love you mom and you are my world.
Love your daughter.


Anonymous said...

You're an amazing daughter as well as an amazing woman. I have to say I can't take all of the credit of how you are today. You played a large part in that. I can only take credit for trying to guide you, you did all the rest. You've always been independant and had the ability to think for yourself. Definately a leader and not a follower, that's a great attribute, don't ever lose that. You can and have made a huge difference in many people's life. Not everyone has that talent. For me having you and your brother has been the greatest joy of my life. you're both unique in your own way and somehow you both have a lot in common. Their is no greater joy than watching your children grow from infancy to adults. Day by day,month by month, year by year. I can just hope that both of you will experience that one day and as you know we'll all be in it together. We've all had a strong family unit together and nobody can take that away from us.
Thanks for sharing you're thoughts with me, it's always nice to hear about the good things we've done, but it's extremelynice since it's coming from my daughter.


Shannon & David said...

That is an awesome post and I have to agree you are an awesome person who has so much going for her!