Decisions, Decisions

Decisions, Decisions,-- I have a really hard time making decisions that are important. I am always second guessing myself when I do finally make an important one.

The most recent one that I have made is to go back to school for my MBA. It has taken me almost 3 years to decide if going back for my MBA was right for me and my career. As time has gone by, there was always a reason or excuse why I couldn't go back to school. At first, the excuse was to give myself a break. I completed my undergraduate degree while working full-time and I was a little burnt out. I didn't have to do it that way but I wanted to be a responsible adult and live on my own so I had to work full-time. Looking back now, I should have stayed home for as long as possible or dormed while going to school but I was stubborn and wanted to do it all on my own. As I have come to realize doing everything on your own isn't what it is cracked up to be. Then the excuse or reason not to go back to school was that my friends were getting married and I didn't have time to focus. I was just kidding myself. I have advanced my career in the last few years without my MBA but to reach my ultimate career goal, I have come to the point where my MBA is a must. So the decision is made.

In order for me to enroll into a University, I have to take the GMAT . That stands for Graduate Management Admission Test and the scores range from 400-800. I was good in school but not really good on standardized tests so I am really nervous about taking this test. I haven't felt this way about a test ever in my life, not even when I had to take the SAT's. I bought the study book a couple weeks ago which comes with practice tests and a CD-ROM so that you can take a "real" timed test. The exam is to test your basic verbal, mathematical, and analytical writing skills. The Math problems remind me of the ones that I learned in high school, which was my strongest subject back then. I started to complete some practice questions and I am finding out that my strong subject back in high school is not my strong subject now. To some people's surprise, I have made the appointment to actually take the test. I had to, so that I wouldn't procrastinate and end up with another excuse why I couldn't enroll in the MBA program. I haven't really told anyone when the test is scheduled but I will let everyone know how I do ( that is if I do well, no need to share my disappointment with everyone). The test is paid for so no changing my mind now, just a lot of studying and practicing to do.

The funny thing about the pressure I feel right now to do well, all comes from me. My parents would never and have never put pressure on me to do well in school. They didn't have to, I did that all by myself. My dad would have to take my books away and make me go to bed during final exam week in High School or I would have studied until the sun came up the next day. I remember distinctly the first time I didn't get a 90 or better on an exam, it was in 9th grade Science class, I got an 85. That upset me so much that I cried for hours and was upset for weeks. My parents tried to remind me it was just one grade but they couldn't fix it. I was upset with myself because in my mind I didn't study enough or maybe I didn't have my parents quiz me enough either way I was disappointed. Thank goodness this behavior didn't last all the way through college or I would have ended up in a straight jacket, talking to myself, in a padded room. I do have goals and expectations for myself and I am very hard on myself if I don't reach them in the time-frame I designate. This is another factor that went into making the decision of going back to school now. My goal was to finish my MBA before I started a family. Since I have waited this long ( as others would say), I figured if I put this off any longer, I will be a mom, wife, working full-time and going to school and I want no part of all those titles all at once. For the women out there that have or do carry all of those titles at once, hats off to you. I really don't know how you do it. Determination, I am guessing. Don't get me wrong I would be able to take on all those titles but if I have a choice, I chose not to.

Ever since I started high school, I have put a lot of thought into my schooling and career, some say too much, but if I didn't, where would I end up? I am not the type of person that can just float along in life and not worry about careers, family or 10 years down the road. You would think that putting so much thought into something would make the decisions easier but I think the opposite happens for me. Hopefully I will meet or exceed the goal I have set for the GMAT and my MBA, if not, I will have to come up with another plan.